A Funny But Awkward Experience Involving Me, My Husband, And An Order Of Thai Food

We ordered Thai food the other night, and it reminded me of a funny, but awkward, experience I had on a date with my husband shortly after we started dating, and I couldn't resist sharing the story with you. Enjoy!



When The Hubs and I were first dating, we ordered a lot of Thai food.


Why?


Because it was quick, delicious, and heavy enough to soak up booze on sloppy nights out.


And we had a lot of sloppy nights back then.


So we ordered it often.


But one Saturday night, things went horribly wrong.


As we were already hungover from the night before, we decided to order everything on the menu: pad thai, spring rolls, chow mein, kung pow chicken, sauteed shrimp…


Mmmmmmm.


After we'd paid the delivery guy and set our little buffet of fattening goodness all over the kitchen counter, we loaded our plates as high as they would go, sat down in front of the TV, and started gorging.


And I swallowed an entire piece of broccoli.


Without chewing it.


And it got stuck in my throat.


Panicked, I raced back to the kitchen at the exact same moment my cell phone started ringing.


How convenient, right?


I immediately silenced my phone and hung my head over the sink in hopes I could dislodge the piece of broccoli.


But it wasn't working.


So I ran to the bathroom, locked the door, and started sticking my fingers down my throat. I figured if I could throw up hard enough, I'd be able to knock the broccoli out of place.


When The Hubs saw me beeline to the bathroom, he jumped up to tell me he was out of toilet paper, but when he saw the crazed look on my face and the tears streaming down my cheeks, he stopped dead in his tracks.


He thought I had taken the call on my phone and something had upset me.


So he left me alone.


While in the bathroom, I tried several times to get myself to puke violently, but no matter how far back I put my fingers, I just couldn't do it.


It was the one time in my life I wished I had dabbled in bulimia.


At one point, I did manage to move the broccoli, but all that did was make me start retching uncontrollably, which made it difficult to breath through my nose.


I eventually came to my senses and realized that, if I didn't get out of that bathroom, I was going to pass out.


So I did what any sane person would do: I ran back to the living room, bent over with my head between my knees, and started gasping for air.


Clearly, I had forgotten the universal sign for "I'm choking!".


You can picture this, right? The Hubs thinks I'm in the bathroom CRYING, and then I come out and he discovers I'M BARELY BREATHING.


Him: "WHAT'S GOING ON?!"
Me: Frantically points to neck, retches, and continues gasping for air.
Him: "ARE YOU CHOKING?!"
Me: Nodding, retching, and gasping for air.
Him: "OMG, WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO?"
Me: "Wwwww-aaaa-tteeeer."
Him: "YOU WANT WATER?!"
Me: More nodding, retching, and gasping for air.


He got me some water, and by some small miracle, I was actually able to swallow that piece of broccoli.


And then I was completely fine.


I had sweat and mascara stains running down my face and the bathroom looked like a scene out of The Exorcist, but I was fine.


It was pretty hard to recover from that though, you know?


Do you have any funny and awkward dating experiences involving Thai food?


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Dated : 2021-04-06 19:23:40

Category : Funny stories

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