Free Booze, Fancy Dinners & Peeing In The Ocean


Exactly 2 weeks ago today, on the eve of our sixth wedding anniversary, I threw my husband under the bus and told you the (mostly) funny story about how he almost missed our wedding.


The good news? He remembered it was our anniversary the following day.


The bad news? When we sat down for the celebratory dinner I cooked for us, and he noticed the anniversary card I'd lovingly put on his place mat, he asked if it could be a joint card.


I was about to open my mouth and give him a hard time about not getting me a card, but then I remembered he'd already broken a record this year by remembering to buy me a card on my birthday AND Mother's Day, so I figured I'd give him a break. And then, 3 days later, when the last long weekend of the summer was behind us and I was feeling a little down in the dumps that summer is coming to a close, he called me from work to tell me to pack our bags because he booked the 3 of us a last-minute getaway to The Bahamas!


I was SO excited.


But then my daughter fell and cracked her head open on Saturday night.


And then my husband came home from work on Monday with the beginning of a Man Cold.


And then I had to go to the doctor's office with my daughter on Wednesday because her head wound started to bleed again.


And then my throat started feeling weird.


And then I got my period a week early on Thursday morning.


And then I realized that even if we're only going away for 4 days, I still have to do the same amount of preparation and packing that I would need to do if we were going away for 3 years.


But once I am sitting on the plane with a glass of wine in my hand at 9 am this morning, I know it will have been worth it.


RIGHT?!


Anyway, when I mentioned to a few of our family members and friends that we're going back to Paradise Island, they looked at me like I had 6 eyes. We've already been there twice, and they just cannot imagine why we'd want to go back again.


The funny thing is, we did a cheapy all-inclusive thing the first time we went, and after seeing the state of the carpets and the sheets on the bed in our room, I didn't think we'd ever go back.


But then I drank WAAAAAAY too much free booze, and I peed in this ocean:



Don't worry – I never pee in pools. Only oceans. And only when I drink. Honest.


And then, after venturing into Nassau for the most romantic Valentine's Day dinner ever, we flagged down a cab that was owned by a lovely lady named Princess, and when we got in, she pointed to this sign on the back of her seat:



I told her there were 2 plus signs and an equal sign missing, but she waved me off, pulled into a 7-Eleven, and asked if I wanted a Big Gulp. I said yes.


And then, when we strolled into our hotel after midnight one night, headed to the bar so I could get another glass of sparkling wine (I didn't become a wine snob until the following year), and I sheepishly asked the bartender if I could take the glass up to my room, she said this:



And then I kissed her. Kidding! I didn't really kiss her. She wouldn't let me.


And that is why I love The Bahamas.


Have a great weekend, everyone! I'll be back on Monday with a really funny post about 6th grade and naked waiters!


What's YOUR favorite vacation spot?


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Dated : 2021-04-06 10:23:40

Category : Funny stories

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