Sally and I met during my last year of college, and developed a friendship that could withstand anything.
Boyfriends, break-ups, girls' weekends, marriages, new homes, her divorce…
You name it, we did it.
But then I got pregnant and, apparently, I broke the rules.
I'd often heard that motherhood causes friendships to change, but I was naive enough to think Sally and I could get through anything. I figured if I could clean her puke off the walls of a public restroom after one too many jagger bombs, she could handle the sight of my bleeding, cracked nipples.
But I was wrong.
The year after my daughter's birth was filled with a myriad of disappointments when it came to Sally. I knew in my heart it was hard for her to watch me go through all of the things she so desperately wanted for herself, and that she probably didn't mean to hurt me, but it's hard to keep that kind of perspective when you're a blubbering mess of postpartum hormones.
Of course, I'm not one for confrontation, so rather than being upfront and honest with her, I kept the peace and took all of my sadness and rage out on my husband.
As I often do.
When I'd finally come to terms with the fact that my friendship with Sally was coming to an end, she called me out of the blue to tell me she had "accidentally" gotten herself pregnant (read into that what you will), and in the weeks that followed, she made it clear she wanted to be my BFF again. The only problem is, I wasn't ready. It just didn't feel genuine, and I needed time to process it all.
But the more I processed everything, the more confused I became, and before I knew it, her due date had come and gone and I'd heard nothing from her. And every attempt I made to reach out to see if everything was okay was met with complete and utter silence.
Which brings me to today.
After almost 3 months of dreaming up all of the things that could have possibly happened to her since we spoke in May (and checking our local obituaries – I'm not kidding), I finally got a response to one of my emails. And you know what? She was too busy and overwhelmed to take the 2 minutes it would've taken for her to send me a text or an email to tell me she was okay.
And now she wants to be BFFs again.
My initial reaction was to tell her to take her friendship and shove it, but motherhood has softened me, and I'm not sure I'm ready to give up on Sally. I know things will never be the same between us, but good friends are hard to come by, and there was a time when Sally was a good friend to me. And I to her.
I hope we can find a way back to each other in the midst of the craziness of motherhood.
And I hope she has the sense not to forget my birthday again next year.
It's March 9th, by the way. Mark your calendars.
Have any of your friendships changed since you became a mom?
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