I have bad hearing.
Really bad hearing.
So bad that anyone who says anything to me has to repeat themselves at least 3 times before I feel confident they didn't say something sexual.
And even then I'm not completely sure.
This issue has been going on since before I can remember, but it's gotten a lot more colorful over the years, and it's made for some pretty awkward conversations.
Especially with my husband.
The best one occurred just after we started dating.
I was over at his place on a Saturday night and we'd just finished eating dinner. He was doing laundry and I was sitting on his bed trying hard not to interfere with his domestic chores so he didn't think I was getting too comfy-cozy with the way our relationship was going.
Of course, this strategy of mine didn't work out so well, and as soon as he plopped a load of warm laundry on the bed and went to throw the stuff from the washer into the dryer, I started folding.
We'd been talking about something or other while all of this was going on, but the sound of him banging around in the laundry room coupled with the fact that he kept moving from room to room made it hard for me to make out anything he was saying to me.
Now, I've always been a little self-conscious about my hearing, especially when I'm around someone I'm trying to impress, so I decided to take over the conversation so that I was doing most of the talking and he wouldn't catch on that I had no idea what the frak he was saying.
So I started chatting away about general nothingness.
An upcoming business trip.
The chick at work who kept coming in late.
That tampon that went missing back in 1998.
Okay, I didn't tell him about that…
All of a sudden, everything went completely silent, and I wasn't getting any reactions out of the guy.
Me: Are you okay?
Me: Am I boring you or something?
Please say no, please say no, please say no.
Him: Oh, sorry! I was playing with my balls.
Me: I'm sorry?
Him: Sometimes I like to play with my balls.
For a moment, I thought I'd finally figured out why this great guy was still unattached, but then I got off my ass, went into the living room, and saw that he'd just gotten back from taking the garbage out.
To the garbage chute.
That was located down the hall.
So what he'd actually said was, "Sorry, I was down the hall."
You should hear the stuff I hear when I've been drinking.
Do you have any funny stories of mishearing something someone's said to you?
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Dated : 2021-04-05 06:23:40
Category : Funny stories