What Do You Say To A Naked Waiter?

Sixth grade was an awesome year for me.


I developed my first celebrity crush (Patrick Swayze), I developed my first real-life crush (Nicholas), I got my period (yuck), and I made the kind of friends that last a lifetime.


The only trouble is, one of those friends was a lot cooler than the rest of us. She'd already had her first kiss, she swore like a trucker, her mom let her use tampons…you get the idea.


But Laura was a good person at heart and knew her limits, so she never got into any real trouble.


Well, not until the last month of school, anyway.



It happened on a Friday afternoon. I was spending the night at Laura's house, as I often did, and my mother had written me a note allowing me to ride the bus home with her.


Now, one thing you must know is that the school I went to in Singapore was divided into 2 separate campuses that were located in different parts of the island – one for Pre-K to Grade 8 and the other for high school – and almost all of the students at each were bused to and from their homes. So the bus we were riding on that day was filled with kids ranging from ages 4 to 14, and there were teachers everywhere making sure the younger kids made it from their classrooms to their buses safely.


But Laura didn't care about authority on that Friday afternoon.


Or ever, to be honest.


What she cared about was impressing Trevor, the eighth-grader she'd been crushing on for most of the year. And since he was starting high school in the fall, she was desperate to make a lasting impression on him.


And she succeeded.


Not 30 seconds after we stepped onto her bus, threw down our JanSport backpacks, and sank onto the back bench, I saw Laura hand him something. It was a book. And whatever was on the front cover made him laugh until he cried. But before I could catch a glimpse of what he was laughing at, he'd passed the book through the window to one of this buddies that was sitting on the bus next to us.


And after that guy laughed until he cried, he passed the book through the window to one of his buddies on the next bus.


But it never made it into the hands of his buddy. Nope. It made it into the hands of the principal instead. And when he looked at the front cover of the book, I think he wanted to laugh until he cried, but he managed to keep his composure as he stormed onto our bus.


And he didn't even crack a smile when she admitted the book belonged to her dad while he escorted her off the bus and up to his office to call her parents.


By the time Laura and the principal were out of ear shot, and Trevor and his friends had stopped laughing, I realized I had to get the off of that bus ASAP if I had any chance of making it to my own bus so I could go home.


But before I made my way down the steps, I had to find out what that book was about.


Me: Which one of Laura's Dad's books was that, anyway?


Trevor: What to Say to a Naked Waiter.


Me: I told her she should've brought the other one.


Trevor: There's another one?!


Me:


Trevor:


Bus Driver: GO!!!!


I wish I could've been a fly in the wall when Laura's parents went to pick her up that afternoon, because I'd already seen the inside of that book.


And it did not belong on an elementary school bus.


What crazy things did you do to impress boys when you were a kid?


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Dated : 2021-04-06 17:23:40

Category : Funny stories Growing up in asia

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