I've never been much of a joiner.
It just seems like way too much work.
But after almost 2 years of engaging in next to no adult conversation, I was pretty ecstatic when one of my new mom friends scored me an invite to a weekly playdate one of the women in our neighborhood hosts every week.
Now, I know what you're thinking: who in their right mind would agree to host a playdate for 10 feisty 2-year-olds once a week?!
I thought the same thing too.
And when I asked my friend about it, she explained that the woman is a little bit…quirky.
This peaked my interest.
Quirky stuff leads to fabulous blog fodder.
So I signed on the dotted line and agreed to be part of the neighborhood in-crowd.
After our first playdate, I decided I'd made a mistake. The other moms were nice and all, and my daughter had a great time, but it wasn't the right environment for me. I just couldn't get past the state of the woman's house. Would it kill her to run a vacuum once a year? I mean, I know I'm a bit of a clean-freak and all, but when I'm bringing enough food home in my shoes to feed a family of 4, something's not right.
Of course, my husband told me I was being ridiculous and told me to give it another go, and before I knew it, I was sitting on the super-stained floor with the other moms, and lately I've even been able to lean back onto the scarily-stained pillows.
I just hope no one ever tells me what that big orange stain is on that bed pillow that sits on the end of the couch…
So I've become a regular at this weekly playdate, and you know what? The more time I spend at this woman's house, the more I realize she's not quirky at all.
Even though she still hasn't vacuumed.
It's the other women who have issues.
In the 4 months I've been going to this playdate, I've only seen 3 other women bring food with them, and yet everyone is quick to dig in and feed themselves and their kids from the stash of treats that are always waiting for us.
But that's pretty secondary to that other stuff that goes on.
One of the moms spends the entire 2 hours we're all together talking about herself. I know all about the private school she went to, how much her husband annoys her, and how advanced her son is going to be, and the only thing she knows about me is my name. Okay, she might know my daughter's name too, but that's about it.
Another one of the moms spends the whole time screaming at her 2-year-old. No matter what that poor kid does, it's wrong. The good news is that she's been enrolled in full-time daycare since the day after she was born (even though her mother doesn't work), so we only have to endure the sound of her mother's piercing screams on public holidays.
There's also a mom who lets her kid put everything he can lay his hands on in his mouth, without ever offering to wash it off when he's done. Now, I realize the woman who hosts the playdate probably doesn't care, but my heart stops every time I see my daughter so much as touch any of the toys after all of the damage that boy has done.
Which leads me to my next complaint. Why do all of the moms insist on bringing their kids when they are clearly too sick to be out of the house? Do they really think the rest of us want our kids to catch whatever is oozing out of their little one's nose?
But my my favorite encounter, so far anyway, happened last week.
I was the first to arrive, and as I was (reluctantly) removing my shoes by the front door, I witnessed the craziest thing. One of the other moms removed her daughter from her car seat, walked past me at the front door without saying hello, lay her daughter down in the middle of the carpeted living room, and changed the dirtiest diaper I've ever seen.
Without putting a change pad beneath her.
And when all was said and done, and her daughter was freshly diapered and happily playing with something in the corner, she handed the dirty, smelly mess to the host of the playdate so she could throw it away.
It was in that moment that I vowed I will never, ever, offer to have these women to my home.
What's the worst thing you've seen happen at a play date?
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