Why Small Breasts Are Better

Last week was a rough one for me.

(Spoiler alert: I'm fine)

It started about a year ago when I found a lump in my right breast. To say I was scared is an understatement, but an ultrasound soon confirmed it was nothing to worry about, and my doctor suggested we stay on top of things and do a follow-up in 6-months time just to be safe.

Six months passed, I went for my follow-up ultrasound, and I was once again given the all-clear. Only this time, the technician found a bunch of cysts in my breasts, and I was asked to go back in another 6 months for a follow-up ultrasound AND a mammogram.

This scared me, but my doctor assured me I had nothing to worry about, wished me a good summer, and told me he'd see me in September after my tests.

Well, 5 months came and went, and I realized I'd lost my referral for the tests. So when the 3 of us were up extra early the Saturday before last, I decided I'd pop into my doctor's office to get a new one.

When I came out 15 minutes later, my face was white as a sheet.

It turns out I'd been recommended to have that mammogram immediately after my last ultrasound, and not 6 months later.

But my doctor read the report wrong.

So last Tuesday I had my first mammogram at the ripe old age of 36, and I spent the next 3 days listening to depressing music on my iPod (my favorite being I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz), not sleeping, and making promises to the guy upstairs that I will appreciate the little things in life a lot more if he'll just let me live long enough to see my grandchildren get married (I figure I'll be pretty warn out after that). And my husband, bless his heart, suddenly started going to work late and coming home really, really early.

It's so nice to be loved.

In the end, I was given the all clear for another 6 months, when we'll do another round of follow-up tests.

Just to be safe.

And I'm about to start looking for another doctor.

But before I start doing that, I wanted to tell you something about mammograms.

I have always heard they are EXTREMELY painful, and found myself feeling a little scared the day of the appointment. But after the technician pulled my right breast onto the machine, lowered the top plate of the x-ray, stuffed every last bit of remaining skin and fat into the breast sandwich she'd created, and then squished everything as flat as she could make it, I came to an awesome realization.

After years of being made fun of for my lopsided, non-existent boobs by my mum and my sister, the joke is finally on them.

Because when you can barely fill a 32A bra, mammograms don't hurt very much at all.

But you better believe they would if you were sporting 44DDs like my sister.

Have you ever had a scare like I have? How did you get through it?

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Dated : 2021-04-06 22:23:40

Category : Funny stories

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